


Does Anybody Want a Wife?

by alphabets0up



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Drunkeness, F/F, Fluff, I Guess It Counts As Fluff, Short, Vines, drunk, wendy is all of us tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-07 12:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17960747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphabets0up/pseuds/alphabets0up
Summary: “You know what I think the problem is?” Wendy drawls, intoxicated after her nth shot of tequila.“What’s the problem, unnie?” The demonic child asks innocently. This seems to piss Seungwan off.“People don’t know I’m single!”





	1. Does Anybody Want A Wife?

**Author's Note:**

> A short drabble that came to be because of this hilarious video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2At3K3DP57c
> 
> This has been sitting in my drafts for a while now. It honestly took me /ages/ to write this just because I couldn’t think of which pairing to use lmao, but here we are. Hope you guys enjoy it :))

“You know what I think the problem is?” Wendy drawls, intoxicated after her nth shot of tequila. Yeri’s lips quirk up in amusement. She had finally gotten her unnie drunk before she was too inebriated herself. 

 

“What’s the problem, unnie?” The demonic child asks innocently. This seems to piss Seungwan off.

 

“People don’t know I’m single!” Wendy slams her shot glass on the cedar countertop. She aggressively gestures the bartender to give her a refill. Yeri’s eyes briefly meet the tall bartender’s, and she could tell that they were both equally amused at the situation. After all, no one’s ever seen a drunk Wendy Son before.

 

“Oh?” Yeri questions, her finger circling the top of her wine glass, trying to act nonchalant and mature even though she wanted to snort at how stupid Wendy sounded. The moment the young woman looks up, her friend is gone.

 

“Wait, where are you going?!” Yeri quickly spots a fast yet wobbly Seungwan from a distance. Almost immediately, the young woman haphazardly slams whatever bills she could pull out from her purse onto the countertop— without forgetting to leave her number on a piece of tissue for…  _ Joy? _ , or whatever her name tag read— leaving an amused bartender to her own devices.

 

After an exhausting game of cat and mouse, Yeri pants audibly as she realizes where Wendy has led them to. The young woman thinks of the worst, and of course she does because her best friend invited her for a drink to forget about her now ex-girlfriend.

 

Wendy, like the goody-two-shoes she is, always drinks in moderation. No one has ever seen Wendy drunk.

 

Until today, that is.

 

Yeri is about to close the distance until Wendy rests her hands on the roof deck’s railings and does the unthinkable.

 

“Hello!” She tests her voice. Wendy audibly clears her throat before trying again. 

 

“Hello out there!” Wendy yells, much too obnoxiously for her character. Luckily Yeri is quick on her feet, and already has her phone out and recording when Seungwan shouts,

 

“DOES ANYBODY WANT A WIFE?!”

 

Yeri backs away from the intoxicated woman, cackling loudly as she struggles to hold her phone steadily. More of the bar’s patrons gather around, watching the hot mess that is Wendy Son.

 

All Yeri can think about is how this woman might meet Ariana Grande before she could ever, with her newfound popularity. The loud gossiping and camera shutters grow in volume.

 

“I’m single!” Desperation seeps into Wendy’s tone. She seems too inebriated to realize the audience she’s attracted.

 

“I ain’t got no kids!” Wendy goes on.

 

“I could cook... kinda!” The woman admits, gripping tighter onto the railing as she thinks of more things to say into the night sky.

 

“Yo’ momma gonna love me!” Yeri’s having the time of her life. The comments on her livestream continues to pile up.

 

“P-people say I’m funny!” Wendy almost trips over her own feet when she backs away from the railing. 

 

“I’m loyal!” The drunk woman’s voice cracks, her once pristine voice now turning husky.

 

“...” Seungwan suddenly succumbs to silence. The whole audience anticipates her next move.

 

“You know what? People ain’t out today…” Wendy whips around much to quickly, discovering her audience, waiting for her to do something. The intoxicated woman seems oblivious to their stares, and Yeri’s about to shoo everyone away since she’s had her fun, and she knows that Seungwan will regret this until—

 

“I want a wife,” Someone voices out from the depths of the crowd. Parting the crowd like the red sea, emerges one  _ very _ attractive woman. 

 

The said woman stops in front of Wendy, her dark, shimmering suit and sharp eyes catches the whole crowd’s attention. The sharply dressed woman lifts Wendy’s hand to gently peck it. Wendy’s whole face widens like saucers, and Yeri stares at the newly saved video on her phone.

 

“I’m Seulgi. May I know the name of my future wife?” The tall woman asks, with her plush lips still resting on Wendy’s knuckles.

  
  


“I WANT A WIFE TOO!” Yeri screams, and she’s sure everyone just did too.

 

Wendy faints, falling into the arms of her new wife.


	2. Has Anybody Seen My Wife?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> due to literally everyone in the comments hoping for a sequel on AFF and AO3, here it isss. Hope you all enjoy reading this mess hahah

Seulgi wakes up with a start, drool on her face, and a pounding headache.

 

“Wha--?!”

 

“Calm down, tiger. Do you know how wasted you were yesterday?” A voice too loud for Seulgi’s comfort booms.

 

“Shh!” She shushes in reply.

 

“Just take these, and let’s have breakfast.” Sooyoung says nonchalantly, not even bothering to lower her volume as she gets up from the bed after handing Seulgi some aspirin. The hungover woman groans in response.

 

“...What time is it?” She asks, looking at her hands.

 

“Half past twelve. Breakfast for you, lunch for me.”

 

“What?!”

 

Seulgi’s eyes practically pop out of her sockets when she hears Joy and sees a ring on her finger. She’s fully awake now.

 

If only she could remember what happened last night.

 

* * *

 

It’s in the middle of her bacon and eggs that she remembers.

 

“My wife!” Seulgi drops her fork in realization.

 

“Your what?” Sooyoung rolls her eyes. “Seulgi, I know I’m the best, with both my drop dead sexy looks and amazing attitude and all, but I’m not marrying you.” 

 

“That’s not what I meant!” Seulgi shouts, much too loudly.

 

“Then what--”

 

“I kind of sort of asked someone to be my future wife last night?”

 

“You  _ what-- _ ” Joy’s eyes widens even further.

 

“I’m sorry?” Seulgi apologizes quickly. Joy is fuming.

 

“I literally let you go out and drink without me for one night, and you managed to get a  _ wife?! _ ” The tall woman shouts, not exactly knowing how to react with such a shockingly strange piece of information.

 

“Is this why you don’t go out? Because you’re such a chick magnet?” She decides to prod instead.

 

“No, that’s not the point…” Seulgi mumbles, suddenly finding her food very interesting.

 

…

..

.

 

“I forgot who she was, and I didn’t ask for her number,” She drops the bomb. Sooyoung smacks her head onto the wooden table.

 

“Kang Seulgi, you are an idiot.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are we going?” Seulgi asks as Joy practically drags her through the double doors, uncaring of the weird stares everyone shoots them.

 

When Seulgi finally realizes where they are, her eyes shine in recognition.

 

“Park Sooyoung, you are a genius!” She chirps, now happy to be dragged along by her tall friend.

 

“Took you long enough to realize, Slowgi,” Joy shoots back and suddenly stops in front of another set of glass doors. Seulgi practically crashes into her at the sudden stop.

 

“Dang, they’re still shooting… How do we get their attention?” Sooyoung muses out loud once she realizes that the doors are locked. Seulgi stares into the glass double doors after fixing herself, watching the people inside the room when an idea pops up in her head.

 

“I got this,” Seulgi puffs her chest, completely sure of herself as she walks towards the locked doors.

 

“Seul, the doors are--” Joy closes her eyes for the inevitable crash.

 

It doesn’t come. 

 

Instead, Joy sees her friend’s face pressed up into the glass door with her hands resting inbetween them. She is sure that Seulgi’s making a  _ very  _ stupid face.

 

Joy facepalms, and wonders why she continues to be friends with the mess that is Kang Seulgi.

 

* * *

 

 

Jennie subtly gestures towards towards the doors in the middle of their interview. Irene doesn’t miss this as she continues to answer the interviewer’s question.

 

When Irene flicks her hair behind her shoulder, she glances towards the glass door. There, she finds a bubbly Kang Seulgi with her adorably stupid looking face squished onto the glass.

 

Irene turns to the director and asks if they could take a break, and shuffles out of her seat to open the doors.

 

“What did you do this time, Seul?” Irene immediately crosses her arms, looking at her best friend.

 

“I didn’t do anything, unnie. I just really need your help,” Seulgi’s eyes twinkle pleadingly, much like a puppy begging for food.

 

“What do you need help with, then?” Irene raises a brow as her manager hands her a bottle of water. Joy snorts from behind them while Irene uncaps the bottle and drinks.

 

“I need you to help me find my wife,” Joy tries her best to hold her laughter as she watches the Irene Bae gracelessly choke on her drink. Seulgi raises her hand, showing the band on her finger to add to her brief explanation.

 

“Your  _ wife?!”  _ Irene almost yells. She takes a deep breath and glares at Sooyoung.

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Why do you always think its my fault?!”

 

_ “Because--” _

 

“I asked someone to be my wife last night!” Seulgi cuts in a bit too loudly. Jennie drops her coffee as she stops in her tracks.

 

“I don’t remember too much, but there’s a ring on my finger, a large amount spent on my credit card, but no number on my phone so… help me?” Seulgi quickly explains, hoping for the best.

 

“WHAT?!” Irene, for the first time, freaks out.

 

* * *

 

 

After (not) much contemplation and discussion, Irene finds herself plastered to Seulgi’s shoulder on a couch much too tiny for the both of them to fit, with Joy sniggering behind the camera.

 

Irene greets her fans and answers some questions in the duration of her livestream, until finally addressing the elephant in the room.

 

“I know you must be wondering who she is by now, of course,” Irene nudges her friend who smiles charmingly at the camera.

 

“This is my best friend Seulgi, and she’s looking for her wife,” Irene simply explains, watching the comments drop in huge waves from her tablet.

 

Seulgi quickly follows up. “Yup! I met her last night at The Blue Moon, and she’s the girl whose been coming up on your feed lately. She’s the cute girl who was looking for a wife,” The bubbly woman smiles charmingly, and Irene feels slightly threatened by her best friend’s overwhelming charisma.

 

“I responded to her request, but the rest of the night was a blur with how much fun we had, so yeah. I wasn't able to get her contact info. If anyone could help me find the love of my life, that would be amazing!” Seulgi finishes with her signature eye smile and the two continue the livestream.

 

When the livestream ends, Irene hits Seulgi’s shoulder.

 

“Stop stealing my fans,” The actress says with a pout as she views the latest comments from their livestream. Seulgi can only chuckle as she reads the comments with her best friend.

 

“Wait til they see me, unnie,” Joy pipes up, striking a pose. 

 

Irene rolls her eyes, going through a lot of twitter mentions, random comments, and messages claiming they know Seulgi’s wife until she spots a certain message on her twitter account.

 

**_yeriana.grande_ ** _ :  _

_ if u wanna meet @yourwanandonly you have to go through me _

 

**_yeriana.grande_ ** _ :  _

_ proof (video attachment) _

  
  


“Seul, I think we found her.”


	3. Does anybody know if I have a wife?

“You’re that girl asking for a wife, right?!”

 

“Are you still looking for one?”

 

“I can’t believe that was you, Wendy!”

 

“Unnie, you’re  _ still _ trending holy shit!”

 

Wendy groans into her desk, trying her best to ignore the whispers and questions she had to endure hearing the past week. Her friends always tell her she’s meme worthy and all, but Wendy just wants that stupid video of herself screaming for a wife to die already.

 

She barely even remembers that night! She only remembers entering the bar with Yeri, and drinking her life away.

 

Wendy hopes a certain Kim Yeri’s happy now that she’s gained some sort of fame alongside herself for being the uploader of the video slash “supportive” friend.

 

Yeri toys with her phone not so far away from Seungwan, cackling as she receives a string of notifications on her phone.

 

What Wendy doesn’t know won’t hurt her, Yeri thinks. The demon begins to type rapidly into her phone, while the innocent thunks her head back on the desk, clueless.

 

* * *

 

 

“Did’ya hear the news, unnie?” Yeri sashays towards Wendy’s surprisingly cluttered desk a few days later.

 

“What, am I still trending? That’s getting old, Yeri,” Wendy answers, completely done as she fixes a stack of paper.

 

“Yeah, but you’re trending for a completely different reason now!”

 

Wendy simply raises a brow. Yeri smirks devilishly.

 

“And why is that? Am I some sort of celebrity now?”

 

“Nah, your wife’s looking for you.”

 

“My  _ what?! _ ” Wendy’s eyes bulge out of her sockets, her body jerks so harshly that it almost knocks over the papers she just stacked.

 

“Uhuh. Who knew shouting like a desperate aging woman gets you a gorgeous wife,” Yeri shrugs, trying her best to act cool even though she wanted to laugh at her friend’s clueless face.

 

Wendy’s jaw drops; she’s completely speechless.

 

“Don’t believe me, unnie? Then what’s that wedding ring you’ve had on you for the past few--” Wendy jolts in shock as she checks her hands.

 

There is definitely a golden band. Yeri wonders how Wendy only notices now.

 

“WHAT?!” Wendy booms, and the whole office collectively sends looks of disapproval towards her desk.

 

Yeri slides her phone towards a clueless Wendy.

 

_ “This is my best friend Seulgi, and she’s looking for her wife…” _

 

Wendy almost faints, but manages to speak.

 

“At least I’ve found my wan and only now?” Wendy tries, and Yeri’s sure her eyes just rolled to the back of her head.

 

“...See this is why your ex broke up with you, and this is also why I’m not gonna help you,” Yeri snatches her phone back and turns around to leave.

 

“Yeri, wait! I was just kidding!”

 

“Bye unnie!”

 

“Wait! Don’t leave me like she did!”

 

* * *

 

 

Wendy realizes a bit too late that she did not think this through.

 

What was she thinking, accepting a date with a person only Wanda’s (She named her drunken persona, because Wendy’s  _ sure _ that a demon must’ve possessed her that night) met. 

 

She didn’t even talk to her “wife” the whole time since Yeri’s been chatting with Irene for the two of them to agree on meeting each other.

 

Whenever Wendy tries to ask Yeri, she just pats her on the back and says “Trust me!”

 

How reassuring.

 

Before Wendy can make her escape a few nights later, an obnoxious Kim Yeri shoves her into her own room, locking the both of them in.

 

“You’re going on this date, unnie,” Yeri concludes and, from out of nowhere, summons a lovely evening dress from her back.

 

Wendy’s eyes widen.

 

“There is no way I’m wearing--”

 

“Stop being so choosy, unnie! It’s not like you have better clothes in that sad thing you call a closet,” Yeri snaps, interrupting Seungwan.

 

“Hey! My clothes aren't half bad!”

 

“Yeah, because half is bad, and the other half is just pure garbage. Even grandmothers dress better than you do.”

 

“Kim Yerim--!”

 

“Okay let’s not waste our time with useless chitchat,” Yeri interrupts once again, and Wendy feels like the vein on her forehead is about to burst.

 

“Now strip, and put this on,” Yeri says and approaches the angry Seungwan, crouching, and then casually pulling her shorts down to her ankles.

 

Wendy screams.

 

* * *

 

 

Wendy arrives first.

 

It’s a lavish restaurant, and the young woman knows that it’s definitely way too expensive for her. The waiter led her to a private booth too, to top it all off. Wendy can only hope that her date’s eager to pay the whole bill, or she could say goodbye to her whole bank account.

 

Then again, her wife probably remembers her, and the fact that she still wanted them to meet again for a date means that Wanda didn’t completely screw Wendy’s reputation over…

 

Right?

 

Wendy’s right leg bounces anxiously under the table as she waits.

 

Five minutes…

 

Before the six minute mark hits, someone comes in rather loudly.

 

Wendy’s eyes widen as she takes in the sight. The woman’s eyes are as sharp as her suit, and the young woman is sure that she’s already caught staring but she can’t look away.

 

“Good evening,” The handsome woman greets, shocking Wendy back into reality. She blinks twice, wondering how she managed to snag someone who looks like  _ that. _

 

“Oh, h-hey!” Seungwan says a bit too awkwardly, clearing her throat too loudly in an attempt to stop her awkward self from showing up.

 

“May I know the name of my future wife?” The tall woman asks, her hand smoothly taking hold of Wendy’s hand, resting her lips on the back of her knuckles.

 

“S-S-- Wendy, Son Wendy.”

 

For some reason, Seulgi seems to not find her terribly awkward and smiles happily. Or maybe she’s just being polite now that she’s met her sober, Wendy thinks.

 

“It’s good to meet you, Sswendy. I’m Sseulgi, Kang Seulgi,” Seulgi grins and squeezes her hand reassuringly.

 

She then settles opposite Wendy and hands her a menu.

 

“Order anything you want, it’s on me.”

 

Wendy swoons, silently thanking her drunk self for doing something useful for once.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner goes smoothly, until it doesn’t.

 

It starts when Wendy tries to pour Seulgi a glass of wine and it ends up on her coat instead of in her glass. She profusely apologizes, but Seulgi just shrugs the coat off and tells her its okay with that charming smile of hers.

 

Seungwan swears that her wife’s (It feels like an absolute  _ dream _ to say that) probably a goddess.

 

Until she isn’t. 

 

Seulgi hits the candleholder in the middle of the table after trying to wipe the food that was on Wendy’s face.

 

The candleholder falls into the tablecloth, causing the whole cloth to burn immediately. Seulgi tries to tame the fire by throwing her coat into the mix…

 

Which doesn’t seem to do anything but make the fire grow larger. Seulgi panics, and at this point Wendy’s about to run and call for help until the sprinklers activate on their own and tame the fire.

 

When the sprinklers stop and they’re both oh so soaking  _ wet _ , Seulgi looks like a sad puppy and Wendy cant help but guffaw.

 

“Well... I wasn’t expecting to have you this wet so early, but this works too,” Wendy jokes and Seulgi’s frown turns upside down as they laugh at the mess they’ve made. Seungwan internally high fives herself for saying something smooth for once.

 

“Sorry, guess I can’t control myself around you... You just,” Seulgi pauses and quickly shuffles towards the decorative lamp in the corner of the room.

 

“Turn me on,” And she clicks the lamp open with a flourish. Wendy practically laughs her organs out at the lame joke, absolutely ecstatic that _ finally _ she isn’t the only one who appreciates puns in their rawest, most ridiculous form.

 

When the mess is cleaned up, and Seulgi insists for the nth time that  _ yes _ , she is fully capable of paying for the meal and the damages, the couple leave the restaurant happily despite the chaos they’ve just caused.

 

…

..

.

 

“Hey, do you actually think we got married that night?” Wendy decides to ask as they walk hand in hand towards Seulgi’s car.

 

“No, I found some of our ‘wedding’ pictures and saw the watermark on some of them. It was one of those get fake married places with all the costumes and stuff. They scammed us while we were drunk and I think I paid twice the amount,” Seulgi pouts.

 

“We could always file a lawsuit for that.”

 

“Or we could make everyone believe we actually got married,” Seulgi smirks mischievously.  “How does meeting my parents next week sound?”

 

“Want to make a video announcement first?” Wendy shoots back, ready to finally have her revenge on Yeri.

 

“Let’s go!”

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile a group of mischievous (but supportive) friends sit in a van not so far away from a not so particularly fancy restaurant.

 

“They’ve put a whole new definition to chaotic gays,” Yeri comments looking at her nails disinterestedly as the smoke from inside the restaurant escapes the now opened windows.

 

“Tell me about it, who the fuck manages to set a table on fire on their first date?” Joy adds, shaking her head in disappointment.

 

“God, these guys are such losers.”

 

“Pretty sure I could show a girl a good time without the mess they’ve made,” Joy nudges and smirks at Yeri.

 

“Prove it,” The younger challenges.

 

“Go out with me then.”

 

“You guys are disgusting. I’m out,” Irene finally speaks up, appalled at the strange turn of events as she gets out of the van and leaves the couple alone.

 

“Why does everyone have a wife?!” Irene yells into the night sky, exasperated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay that's it for this! Hope you guys all enjoyed chaotic seungwan + seulgi HAHAHA (and stream mamamoo's gogobebe HAHAHAh)


End file.
